Archive for Parenting Tips
A Focus for Passing on the Game
Posted by: | CommentsI figure that in order for me to tackle this topic well, I need at least a two things: an outline and a focus.
The outline I will list in my next post. My focus I will explain right here.
Essentially, I have decided that in order to best address this topic, I will explain all I have to say through the grid of the game of basketball. Of course, sports in general are my focus, but I think I can serve everyone best if I use one particular game as one example through which we can make application to all other games (and hopefully, even other things in life). I have chosen to do this for a few reasons.
First, it is easily the game I know best and the one particular game that has always been preeminent in my family (and in my life). In fact, I don’t think it is exaggerating things to say that someone’s basketball season has been an important part of our family for something around the last 60 years. My Grandfather started it all with a College career and over 30 years of Coaching. My Dad continued to trend by playing and Coaching. My Uncles also did the same. My brother and I then moved things along by playing together at the collegiate level. My younger sisters are also still very involved in the game as well (my older sister coaches my younger sister with my Dad’s help). Not only that, but as far as I can tell, I will probably spend the rest of my life enjoying and imparting the game in some way, shape or form. For me, there is just no escaping the fact that I was created to spend my life in the world of basketball.
Of course, sports in general were always a big part of Crispin family life. We played (and my Grandfather and Dad and Uncle coached) baseball and football and soccer and others. But there was never any question which sport came first – basketball. In fact, when people ask me when I first started to play the game, I can answer honestly ‘From the time I could hold a baby-sized ball.’ In the Crispin family, it simply all came back (and still comes back) to hoops. Though we enjoyed other sports and often worked pretty hard at them, dinner conversations revolved around the game of basketball. The gym is where we headed first. Our backyard always had to have a basket. When my brother and I were kids, we thought the title ‘basketball ball boys’ was a badge of honor. There was just no escaping it. We grew up with the game. Though we were never forced to play, in hindsight, our decision to play seems somewhat inevitable. Basketball was simply the athletic air we breathed from our childhood on up.
There may have been times where our commitment to hoops was a bit out of balance, but in all seriousness, that was probably in large part due to me (more on that later). More or less, our love for the game has been a very healthy thing in our family, a uniting force as it were, and one for which I am very, very thankful. Indeed, I am thankful enough to want to pass it on.
Second, I think that by specifically addressing hoops, you will have an easier time making wise application to whatever your sport or ‘game’ may be. Of course, many principles are just plain obvious and timeless and applicable not only to sports, but to all of life. However, there are certain basketball practices that I will address in a very specific basketball way. I do so knowing that you know your ‘game’ better than I do. So I have to believe that you will be able to see how my basketball examples apply to your golf or baseball or whatever-your-game examples. If not, let me know, but I think you will see this to be the case. Not only that, but I think you will find such focus pretty helpful. I certainly hope I am right.
Passing on the Game – A Series
Posted by: | CommentsIf you are presently out of physical shape, you probably aren’t going to get back into shape without some sort of plan. And not just any plan, but a reasonable, semi-interesting one. I figure the same holds true for the blogger. And as I am so obviously a blogger that is currently out of good blogging condition, I have come up with what I think is a reasonable and very interesting plan.
My plan is a series of posts that I have chosen to title, Passing on the Game. I am not completely sold on the title, but when you are out of shape and need to get back to working out, you don’t get too worried about titles. Making the first few posts come first.
Anyhow, the focus of this series is one that I have wanted to write about for some time now. Essentially, I am planning on writing about 20 posts that focus on what it takes to healthily pass on the understanding and joy of sports to your children. I figure it is a topic that needs to be addressed for multiple reasons.
First, because healthy is usually not the first word that comes to mind when you look at American sports in general, and much of children’s sports in particular. A careful look through the sports pages each week will probably support that point. Or I suppose a more discerning look at your son’s next practice or game may do the trick.
Second, it seems to me that passing on anything worthwhile to your children is inevitably fraught with difficulty, particularly if you really want to do it in a healthy, life-giving way. I don’t care if you love Math and want to pass on the love of Math…or the love of God for that matter. It’s just not easy to thoroughly enjoy something and pass it on in a healthy way. After all, our tendency here and now is to desire good things too much. And can anyone disagree that this is often obviously the case when we want to pass on good things to our kids? We want them to enjoy what we enjoy so much that we might ram it down their throats and in turn, make it all the more difficult for them to enjoy it. This seems to be true especially with sports.
Third, this needs to be addressed by me right here and now because this is something I desperately want to do well. Very well. And this is true for me not simply because I want my children to enjoy sports (and yes, certain sports more than others I confess!), but because I myself received this gift from my fathers. Weird as it may sound, from my vantage point, the joy of sports (basketball in particular) is a generational gift that has been given and in some sense, entrusted to me. Not perfectly of course. Or in some sort of formal, serious way. But it has been passed on nonetheless. And I want to keep things going. Even more, I want to take all that is good and improve upon it for the next generation.
Fourth and probably most important, (this I am adding as an update to this post), I think we will find out that the principles or practices I set forth in my upcoming posts apply to much more than sports. No matter what it is you love and want to pass on, the principles are probably the same. And certain practices probably have their parallels. So although I will be addressing sports in particular, it is my belief that you will find much to apply to whatever it is you want your children to love.
So with those things in mind, I am going to write. I am going to follow (and yes, probably alter) the plan and hopefully learn a great deal as we focus on how we can best pass on the joy of the game. Is it easy? No way, but I am convinced that because of the unique nature of sports, it is well worth the effort. Not only that, but if you are a parent who to any degree enjoys sports, it is your plain old duty to do this well.
Nate Fleming and the 2001 Crash
Posted by: | CommentsThis Outside the Lines story will break your heart, but that is why you should read it. With a son of my own (who loves the game of basketball already), it certainly stirred mine.
The piece concerns Nate Fleming, a 20 year-old member of the Oklahoma State basketball team who died in 2001, when one of the team’s small charter planes crashed in Colorado. I remember the plane crash well, for it occurred during my senior year at Penn State (and we traveled charter flights often, though on larger planes). But this story definitely gave a greater perspective than any newscast every did. The letters of his father to him particularly stand out. I usually send one letter each year to each of my children, but after reading this piece, I think I will send more. Check it out (particularly the written piece linked to above).
One final note: Though the video below is a stirring one, the first statement is (at least I certainly hope) far from reality. “Everything is by chance.” If so, what comfort can you ever find in such a world as this? If you really believe this, that is a tough way to live. Or at least a very difficult way to live consistently. Just some food for thought.
Wisdom for Coaches (and Parents)
Posted by: | CommentsI enjoyed this post from Matt Perman a week or so ago, in particular because it strengthened my already strong conviction regarding the way Coaches can best capitalize on the abilities of their players. Though I don’t get to apply it much now, I know that one of the first things I will do when I go into coaching is to ask my players what they want to be good at, or what they most enjoy doing on a basketball court. Even if they aren’t already strong in those particular areas, you have a great chance to make them strong in the areas they mention because they are motivated to work at them. And there is nothing more important than that. Motivated abilities is the place to focus your efforts.
I have seen countless players fail to reach their potential not because they weren’t willing to work, but because Coaches oftentimes tried to fit them into a pre-conceived mold for what they should be. The guy is tall, so we don’t want him shooting jump shots, even though he is most motivated and comfortable doing so. That just isn’t wise. And it’s a perspective that has hurt many a player, team and coach.
I am sure you can make application of this in whatever your line of work. Now that I think about it, I suppose you can and should especially do so as a parent, for one of the primary things I am on the lookout for in my kids is not what they are good at, but what they want to be good at, or at least what they enjoy doing. More times than not, their strengths and desires will not conflict, but instead go hand in hand.
All that being said, I am certainly going to check out Buckingham’s book, Go Put Your Strengths to Work.
Sports Training for Kids?
Posted by: | CommentsMuch thanks again to my brother-in-law Sean for pointing me to this New York Times story regarding the recent surge in sports programs for young children.
I found it very interesting, but also felt that the experts cited were combatting a straw man. For each parent and employee cited seemed to be saying that they used sports for the physical development of children and to create a fun atmosphere. I am all for that as I do the same. Of course, there is no doubt that plenty a parent is bringing their kids to Lil’ Kickers because they fear their little ones will fall behind without it, but that isn’t the program’s fault. And you know what, it must be admitted that when parents think that, they do have a point. Maybe not when considering toddlers, but it is certainly true that the earlier one starts at something, the better chance he or she has at improving those specific skills. The problem isn’t in realizing that that is true, but in fearing the possibility of your kid not making it.
I think I need to say more on this topic as my four and a half-year-old, Elijah loves doing ‘workouts’ that include two ball dribbling and ‘beat the pro’ shooting. Not only that, but I was once one of those little toddlers with a ball in my hand and have no doubt that my early exposure to the game of basketball plays a role in where I am now. Until then, check out the article and leave me your thoughts. Or be sure to enjoy the video below as well.
