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I could spend some time explaining yet another blog hiatus, but at this point, it would probably be a waste of breath. So let’s just say I am blogging again because I have had enough of my beautiful wife (rightfully) poking fun at my unannounced disappearances. We have had a few good laughs about my tendency to post a ‘blogging again?’ post every few months. So no need for that now. Let’s just move onto point #2.

Love the game for itself, not for what you can get from it.

This might be a subtle point, but it is a vital one. Hence the reason it is listed here as point #2. It is high up on the list, because from my experience (and from a Christian perspective) the best way to ruin something good is to put undue importance upon it, to load it down with burdens and expectations that it simply can’t handle. Or to over exaggerate its importance. Or to want something good for wrong reasons. To simply want something good too much.

This is true about virtually anything, but it is especially true when it comes to something you love and incredibly true when talking about sports. For one the beautiful things about sports is that they are supposed to be refreshing. Exhaustingly refreshing, yes. But refreshing nonetheless. They are supposed to offer opportunities for you to invest yourself into something that doesn’t really matter, to lose yourself in the joy of free play and thus, to walk away better, even more human you might say, than when you first started the game.

But the key to that playful experience is for it to be a free experience, that is, an experience with no extra strings attached. In order to enjoy play as you were created to enjoy play, you can’t play in order to get something else. Oddly enough, you can’t even seek the joy or refreshment of free play. To do so is to lose play’s very essence and thus, keep yourself from the real thing. No, your only choice is to, like a child, lose yourself in the play without the external concerns in order to get the real joy of the experience. Play as it is meant to be is play that is an end in and of itself.

This is true for adult and children alike. But the sad fact is that no matter what our age or experience, we all tend to attach things to our play. A game isn’t just a game. It becomes an opportunity to prove our worth. Or to show our parents or community or ourselves that we are really somebody. Or it becomes a means to making money. Or a means to fueling our pride. Or a way to fit in. And on and on I could go.

I remember listening to a great sermon by Tim Keller on the topic of work. In it, he said that from a biblical perspective the biggest issue with our work is not the work itself, but what we attach to the work. Or the reasons why we work. He called it ‘the work beneath the work.’ Meaning, because of the Fall, we tend to look to our works to justify us. Not simply good, religious works, but any kind of work. We work not simply to utilize the gifts God has given in service to others, but to make something of ourselves. To justify our existence. That is the real reason why our work is so often exhausting.

Well, if that is true in work, it is a hundred times more true when it comes to play. If you approach play or sports as a means to another end, you can’t help but ruin the play. Corrupt the sport. For you fashion it into something it was not meant to be. You place a burden upon it that it was never meant to bear.

If you do this to yourself, that is one thing. It’s a shame no doubt. But when you do it to your children, it takes the corruption and sadness to an entirely new level. True, you might genuinely love the sport (or activity) you are trying to pass on. But the amazing thing is that your children will know instinctively if there is more to your love that just the game itself. They will know instinctively if you are using the game (or even using their success in the game) for something more than the joy of the play itself.

We all know the stories about the overbearing parents whose kids end up hating the game they invested so much time into. Most of us can probably think of a few families right now who fit the bill. But the reality is that we are all affected by this tendency to use the game for something else. For we can’t help but be affected by it because this issue of identity and the ‘work beneath the work’ runs through every human heart.

Therefore, we are wise to take note of this fact and to be very diligent about the way in which we relate to our loves and to our children.

Let me end this post on a personal note: I will probably come back to this simple point time and again in future because it is one that is very close to my heart. The reason why is because I know I would have been absolutely ruined for basketball had my father attached undue importance to my basketball success. I am thankful he didn’t, because I was able to almost ruin myself by myself.

No doubt I loved the game, but as I grew up and became better and better at the game, I increasingly looked to the game (or more specifically, my success in the game) for more than it could give. Hoops became an idol in my life. Thankfully, the Lord saved me from it (and even because of it to a certain extent). But I know that if my dad had been the kind of dad who put pressure on me to achieve, I would have become an absolute wreck. And I am not sure I would have recovered.

Thankfully, however, I heard my dad say time and again, ‘If you want to be good, I will help you. But if you don’t, it’s all good to me.’ And the beauty was, I knew he meant it. Sure, he loved the game and sure, he did everything he could to help me pursue greatness, but in the end, I knew he didn’t really care about me achieving anything great for his sake or mine. He cared, yes. But not really. Or at least not too much. He didn’t do everything perfect, but he did that one thing very well. And it made a world of difference.

I plan on following him in that regard. And I hope you (and a million other parents out there) will too.